Whose Planet Is It Anyway?

Sunday, November 05, 2006

And Kill Them

About 40 years ago, during the Vietnam War, there was a popular bumper sticker that parodied military recruiting slogans: "Join the Army. Visit strange and exotic places. Meet fascinating people. And kill them."

Now that the American government has decided to combat autism rather than communism, I think it's time for an updated version. After all, how can the war on autism get new recruits without any catchy slogans? Tired old clichés like "devastating disorder" and "burden to society" are a pathetically unimaginative way to convince the best and brightest of today's young genetic scientists to devote their careers to exterminating large numbers of their fellow citizens by way of eugenic abortion.

If you were to interview students who have an interest in genetics about their reasons for going to medical school and studying the human genome, they'd probably talk about the usual boring and mundane stuff, like their passion for increasing the realm of human knowledge. Ya-a-awn. Just goes to show that the right-wing talk show hosts were right about our liberal universities turning out lily-livered wimps. It's got to be a vast conspiracy led by gay autistic professors.

So, it looks like our tough-guy leaders have a problem. How are they going to turn wimpy, mild-mannered genetic scientists who aspire to make fascinating discoveries into fierce warriors with DNA of steel who dream of committing a worldwide genocide?

** drumroll **

A new recruiting campaign, of course!

It could start with posters on the walls of medical school classrooms and genetic research laboratories: "Join the Combating Autism Army. Learn about strange and exotic variations of the human genome. Meet fascinating people who have unusual strengths and different ways of thinking. And kill them."



  • "Meet fascinating people who have unusual strengths and different ways of thinking. And kill them."

    Maybe the Army will cure you of your paranoia

    By Blogger John Best, at 2:56 PM  

  • You'll need a march song:
    A quirky man
    Whose name was Bill
    Wrote code but had
    No social skills
    Problem with
    His DNA
    World won't need
    Him anyway

    Sound off

    By Blogger clone3g, at 3:15 PM  

  • usually army-type things give reason to paranoia. ask every country who thought usa was their friend what we did to them in the name of democrazy. very rarely did we get it right. maybe it's not a bad parallel...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:33 PM  

  • ForeSkin: "Maybe the Army will cure you of your paranoia"

    Not really.

    My dad was army personnel. Med-Corps.

    The things he told me. And the things that others have corroborated on (where I grew up, your employment prospects were either the Army or the Coal Board)... No army cures anything.

    If anything, it increases the problem.

    You, with a BA in psychology, ought to know that, John. Why did you miss that lesson?

    Ah... because you failed to listen to any of the lessons, right?

    Oh, and look... no swear words.

    I'll quote Wittgenstein at you, John... 'don't try to shit higher than your arse'.

    By Blogger David N. Andrews M. Ed., C. P. S. E., at 3:42 PM  

  • I used to sleep at the foot of old glory
    And awaken by the dawns early light
    But much to my surprise, as I opened my eyes,
    I was a victim of the great comprimise
    John Prine
    I think there will be plenty of opportunities for all kinds of diverse people if the U.S. ever gets their priorities in order. Unfortunatly not focusing on what EVERYONE has to offer can get quite dangerous indeed.Can the agendas of combating autism be as dangerous as some of the agendas of wars? I think so.
    Some have felt that wars are the swiftist way to economic growth.When people look at economic growth in terms of which way is swiftist they look at who is the most expendable. That would certainly include people whose diverse strengths are not recognised. Weve paid too high of a price already for seeing people as expendable.People are not expendable.NEVER! EVER! We cant afford that attitude.

    By Blogger Ed, at 10:07 PM  

  • On wars and economic growth:

    "...it's nonsense to think that when you take what people grow and make, lug it to the other side of the world with a lot of sweat and time, and then throw it on a bonfire, it somehow makes you well-off."

    S.M. Stirling, On the Oceans of Eternity

    By Blogger abfh, at 1:31 PM  

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