Whose Planet Is It Anyway?

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Hasta La Vista, Bobby

It's time to bring out my trusty old curebie tombstone, now that Bob Wright has been axed from NBC for, among other things, his gross abuse of his corporate position in promoting Autism Speaks. (Many thanks to Autism Diva for posting a link to this story.)

Under the circumstances, instead of composing a formal eulogy for his career, I'm just gonna crank up the volume on the party music. Because Wright and his cronies put so much time and effort into portraying autistics as monsters, my retirement gift to him is a personalized version of the "Monster Mash."

Based on the Halloween oldies song "Monster Mash" by Bobby "Boris" Pickett and the Cryptkickers:

Bob Wright was working late at NBC one night
When curebie horror stories gave him quite a fright
Visions of changelings appeared before his eyes
And suddenly, to everyone's surprise

He smoked some hash
(Well, maybe not, but he had a sanity crash)
And raised some cash
By treating autistic kids like trash
He got quite brash
Spread mass hysteria in a flash
Autism Speaks did the mash
(Ugh, pass me some of that hash...)

From the eugenics labs and the behaviorist lairs
To the woo-woo conventions where the quacks hawk their wares
The ghouls all came with their nightmarish dreams
To get some funds for their hideous schemes

They got their cash
Doing the Autism Speaks mash
They made a big splash
Plenty of autistics to bash
Little kids to smash
Off to the bank to dash
Ethical clash?
Nah—they never had any ethics, natch

The autie-haters were having fun
Their party had just begun
The guests included Lauren Thierry and crew
And a child murderer or two

They had lots of use for a TV CEO
From "The Apprentice" to the "Today Show"
All that free publicity, every chance Bob got
None of it ever had to be bought

It was a clash
Of loyalties—so brash
Ethics in the trash
Might as well have stolen cash
From NBC's stash
Autism Speaks did the mash
Bob thought it was a smash
But then, the inevitable crash

In GE-land, Jeffrey Immelt stewed
Seems he didn't care for Bob's attitude
He called Bob on the carpet and shook a fist
And said "What's with this conflict of interest?"

He had panache
He sacked Bob in a flash
And saved some cash
By putting Bob out with the trash
Just one more job to slash
How the mighty can crash
All in a flash
Bob's as unpopular as a rash

Now everything's cool, Bob's off to his rocking chair
And autistics have a hope of someday being treated fair
This is how we celebrated when we got the news
We cranked up the music and put on our dancing shoes

We did the mash
At Bob's retirement bash
The Ding-Dong-He's-Dead mash
It was a graveyard smash
No more teeth to gnash
It caught on in a flash
Oh, what a splash
Come on and do the mash

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  • :-) I hope Bob reads blogs.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:03 PM  

  • Absolutely hilarious. Very well done.

    I heard the song in my head the whole time I was reading it.

    By Blogger Club 166, at 5:42 PM  

  • That was great, glad to hear it.
    Now off to read what the Diva
    has to say about it.

    By Blogger Clay, at 6:58 PM  

  • I found that most amusing, probably because I have a very immature sense of humour!

    By Blogger Lili Marlene, at 9:35 PM  

  • Do you not think that perhaps a 'retired' person my have more time available for his hobbie horse?

    By Blogger Maddy, at 10:08 PM  

  • That was great!! Awesome as always.

    By Blogger S.L., at 12:44 AM  

  • Anonymous: I don't know if Bob reads blogs, but he certainly wouldn't read mine. I do wonder, though, if Immelt or someone else at GE noticed the neurodiversity blogs and became aware of the controversy, and if that had anything to do with the decision to boot Bob. Many of our websites rank very high in searches for "Autism Speaks." The Don't Speak for Us petition comes up in the top 10 results.

    Club 166 and S.L.: Thanks -- much appreciated!

    Clay: The Diva's on the case, all is right with the world...

    Lili Marlene: Yes, it's immature gloating, but it's fun anyway!

    McEwen: He may have more time, but without the ability to manipulate the media, it won't matter. He's just going to be another unimportant has-been with no mojo.

    By Blogger abfh, at 8:52 AM  

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