The Perils of Complaining
A recent study found that teenage girls who vented to each other about their problems, from boy trouble to social slights, were more likely to develop depression and anxiety — and the same is likely true for adult women, says Amanda Rose, the author of the study.
"There's a definite belief in our culture that talking about our problems makes you feel better," says Rose, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Missouri, Columbia, whose research was published in the July issue of Developmental Psychology. "That's true in moderation. ... It only becomes risky when it becomes excessive."
The unfortunate consequences of too much complaining can be seen in some parents who spend large amounts of time on Internet forums and in other group settings where the members encourage one another to wallow in negativity about their autistic children. Kevin Leitch just wrote a post describing the sad state of parents who, because of their inability to accept the reality of their child's autism, spend much of their time obsessing about the magical cure at the end of the rainbow, instead of enjoying life with the child they actually have.
For those who have invested a great deal of time and mental energy in viewing their child's autism as an enemy and waging a war against their child's differences, it can indeed be difficult to consider other views and to recognize and deal with the complexity of the situation. However, those who make the effort to break out of the negative mindset are likely to find that their lives afterward are much more rewarding, as discussed by Anne C. in a comment on a post by Kristina about acceptance:
...while I’ve come across a fair number of parents who have moved from the deficit model to the complexity model of autism, I have *never* come across anyone who has gone in the opposite direction. I have never come across even one example of someone who comes to the mindset that their child can be whole, healthy, *and* autistic who has subsequently decided that they need to go back to the disease model.
That says it all.