Whose Planet Is It Anyway?

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The envelope, please...

I'm back from a relaxing vacation—many thanks to all the well-wishers who commented on my last post! I have to admit that, when I wasn't lazing around in the sun, I spent too much time letting my mind vegetate in the absurdities of the pop-culture entertainment industry. That's not too bad though, because Hollywood and its fat cats, especially those of the curebie variety, make great fodder for blog posts. Their antics are deserving of a very special awards ceremony for memorable moments in autism epidemic hype and related melodrama. So, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you—the Yappy Awards!

Best Dramatic Exit goes to David Kirby, who, after insulting autistic people in just about every way imaginable, now proclaims that he is tired of autism. Guess what, Kirby, autistic people got tired of you and your bigotry a long time ago. Your 15 minutes of fame are so totally over, dude. Don't let the stage door hit you in the butt.

Best Soap Opera can only belong to Bob and Suzanne Wright for their public feuding with their daughter Katie and their alleged failure to pay film producer Lauren Thierry. As noted by Kev, this category also includes a Best Villain Award to JB Handley for stirring the pot (which looks suspiciously like a witches' cauldron) at every opportunity.

Best Comedy is awarded to the Antivax Follies, now appearing live on stage at Nonsense Central and featuring a slapstick performance of Expert Witness Limbo—how low can they go? It's more fun than a barrel of rhesus monkeys.

The Mystery category belongs to Steven Spielberg for his inexplicable endorsement of Hillary Clinton for president. Spielberg has an Asperger diagnosis. Sen. Clinton is a strong supporter of Autism Speaks and its goal of a world with no autistic people. Given the fact that Spielberg made a movie about the Holocaust, we know he's not ignorant of the historical consequences of such rhetoric. The only conclusion I can draw is that Spielberg is so completely out of touch with the real world that he's not even aware of Autism Speaks' genocidal agenda.

Best Prime-Time (Melo)Drama goes to Desperate Curebies, starring Jon Shestack of Cure Autism Now, who gave up his pretense of being unaware of our blogs and posted a sympathy-seeking comment on Autism Vox. Now he's bleating that he just wants to help his son, who "knows he is autistic and he has told us many times that he doesn’t like it." I'm not the least bit impressed by your crocodile tears about your son's feelings, Jon, after you spent so many years insisting that he had no feelings and wasn't even sentient. It's time for you to depart the stage with the 21st century equivalent of the traditional vaudeville sendoff for melodramatic hacks—a barrage of virtual rotten tomatoes.

The show isn't nearly over yet, folks, so don't change the channel! Just get your favorite beverage and some tasty hot buttered popcorn, and sit back and enjoy the spectacle as the curebies self-destruct.



  • I have to wonder about Spielberg joining up with them......Maybe he does not see himself as *that* kind of autistic? I dunno.....They must be pretty charismatic what with the jet setting and high society parties...all the cool kids in Hollywood prolly go to hobnob and 'help the poor sick children'


    good post!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:51 PM  

  • Welcome back, ABFH! Has Jerry Springer contacted the Wright family yet?

    By Blogger Bev, at 7:30 PM  

  • Thanks. I needed that.


    By Blogger dkmnow, at 10:59 PM  

  • "... a barrage of virtual rotten tomatoes."

    Cowshit's better for chucking at folks like him....

    By Blogger David N. Andrews MEd (Distinction), at 1:35 AM  

  • Sarah: I have to wonder, too.

    Bev: Oh rats, I didn't think of adding a category for Best Talk Show. Lenny Schafer, maybe?

    Dkmnow: Glad you enjoyed it!

    David: I'm thinking of the scene in Huckleberry Finn where the townspeople are planning to chuck all sorts of things onto the stage, including a dead cat.

    By Blogger abfh, at 4:20 PM  

  • "... including a dead cat."

    But that'd be an insult to the memory of the cat in the case we're considering, wouldn't it?! :/

    What if we made a model dead cat out of cowshite? And sling that at the bugger?! ;)

    *Feeling happy just now... The Byrds' Notorious Byrd Brothers album and a couple of antihistamines - cos it's allergy season here.... nice :) *

    By Blogger David N. Andrews MEd (Distinction), at 6:38 PM  

  • I keep reading that Spielberg has been diagnosed by a certain well-known AS expert, but as far as I know this is just a rumour. I'd love to find a published source in print that says Spielberg has been diagnosed, or at least be given the specifics of where and when this clinician divulged this information.

    Isn't Spielberg in the shit over another ethical issue to do with Darfur and international politics?

    By Blogger Lili Marlene, at 1:47 AM  

  • I think it's so funny that anti-autistics seem to want autistic people's approval. "I want to eliminate you and everyone like you, but please don't take it personally." Why can't they just say "I hate autistics" and be honest about it?

    By Blogger lily_in_revolt, at 12:28 PM  

  • "Why can't they just say 'I hate autistics' and be honest about it?"

    Because it would show their true motives in 'hating autism', basically.

    By Blogger David N. Andrews MEd (Distinction), at 6:57 AM  

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