The envelope, please...
Best Dramatic Exit goes to David Kirby, who, after insulting autistic people in just about every way imaginable, now proclaims that he is tired of autism. Guess what, Kirby, autistic people got tired of you and your bigotry a long time ago. Your 15 minutes of fame are so totally over, dude. Don't let the stage door hit you in the butt.
Best Soap Opera can only belong to Bob and Suzanne Wright for their public feuding with their daughter Katie and their alleged failure to pay film producer Lauren Thierry. As noted by Kev, this category also includes a Best Villain Award to JB Handley for stirring the pot (which looks suspiciously like a witches' cauldron) at every opportunity.
Best Comedy is awarded to the Antivax Follies, now appearing live on stage at Nonsense Central and featuring a slapstick performance of Expert Witness Limbo—how low can they go? It's more fun than a barrel of rhesus monkeys.
The Mystery category belongs to Steven Spielberg for his inexplicable endorsement of Hillary Clinton for president. Spielberg has an Asperger diagnosis. Sen. Clinton is a strong supporter of Autism Speaks and its goal of a world with no autistic people. Given the fact that Spielberg made a movie about the Holocaust, we know he's not ignorant of the historical consequences of such rhetoric. The only conclusion I can draw is that Spielberg is so completely out of touch with the real world that he's not even aware of Autism Speaks' genocidal agenda.
Best Prime-Time (Melo)Drama goes to Desperate Curebies, starring Jon Shestack of Cure Autism Now, who gave up his pretense of being unaware of our blogs and posted a sympathy-seeking comment on Autism Vox. Now he's bleating that he just wants to help his son, who "knows he is autistic and he has told us many times that he doesn’t like it." I'm not the least bit impressed by your crocodile tears about your son's feelings, Jon, after you spent so many years insisting that he had no feelings and wasn't even sentient. It's time for you to depart the stage with the 21st century equivalent of the traditional vaudeville sendoff for melodramatic hacks—a barrage of virtual rotten tomatoes.
The show isn't nearly over yet, folks, so don't change the channel! Just get your favorite beverage and some tasty hot buttered popcorn, and sit back and enjoy the spectacle as the curebies self-destruct.