Marc Sirkin, Apologist for Hate
In honor of Sirkin's bumbling, I've created a parody skit in which Clueless Marc, the host of the We Hate Autistics Community Radio Show, has a conversation with a caller:
CLUELESS MARC: Hello and welcome to We Hate Autistics Community Radio. I suppose that, like the many parents I've just been discussing, you want to talk about the excellent I Am Autism video and how accurately it reflects your life.
CALLER: You know, Marc, not everyone who has an interest in autism issues is a parent.
CLUELESS MARC: Well, of course not. Grandparents, siblings, and other relatives all have to deal with autism's awful burden and embarrassment too…
[angry crowd chanting]
CALLER: Gee, Marc, it sounds like you might have some protesters outside your studio.
CLUELESS MARC: No, that's just Suzanne Wright watching her soap operas in her cushy office. She likes melodramatic storylines and often turns the volume up too loud.
CALLER: Yeah, I've noticed that.
CLUELESS MARC: Let me tell you about how much support Autism Speaks has gained from people all across the world recently! Our walks and our public relations efforts have been going wonderfully well.
[squeaky wood noises]
CALLER: That wouldn't happen to be the sound of your nose growing, would it?
CLUELESS MARC: Of course not. I had my nose perfectly sculpted by one of the finest plastic surgeons in New York.
CALLER: Word has it, Marc, that you admitted in an interview with New Scientist about the controversy that there's no factual basis whatsoever for the video's claim that having an autistic child is sure to make a marriage fail. What's up with that?
CLUELESS MARC: The video was just a personal poem from a father's perspective and was not intended to reflect Autism Speaks' views.
[tires screeching, two icky-sounding splats]
CALLER: That's Billy Mann and Alfonso Cuarón getting thrown under the bus as Autism Speaks frantically backpedals on the video, disclaiming all responsibility for its extensive involvement, from Suzanne Wright's personal solicitation of video footage to Autism Speaks' much-publicized showing of the video at a United Nations conference. Aren't you starting to worry about your job, Marc? After all, being a new hire and a very visible face in the community, you're the next logical sacrifice when the furor gets stronger.
CLUELESS MARC: Gah, I'll have to go back to working from my basement as a consultant, barely able to pay my greens fees! Um, I mean, of course there's no reason for me to be worried about my job, Autism Speaks is a tremendously strong organization and always has shown great loyalty to its people.
[printer starts churning out resumes]
CALLER: Well, good luck finding another gig, Marc.
CLUELESS MARC: La, la, la, I can't hear you! This call must have accidentally gotten disconnected by some strange fluke! And now, I'm excited to introduce the next guest on the We Hate Autistics Community Radio Show, a clever fellow by the name of Bernie Madoff who has several insightful things to say about Autism Speaks' business model…